Part 2. - Would You Believe Me If I Told You That My Life Has A Soundtrack?

"If music be the food of love, play on." - Twelfth Night, Act 1 Scene 1

Sometimes the only thing you need in the world is to spend time with your best friend. Lets call my best friend B, we're much closer than friends, my mum jokes that she is more like a big sister and the irony is, that growing up I always wanted a big sister. It's nice, both of us being in the same county now and her only being a £2.90 bus ride away. I've learnt in life, good friends are hard to come by, but the best ones are the ones that stick around. Recently, I read a blog post by a friend about the "Pause Effect". The "pause effect" is best explained like this; while I was living up north I had three incredibly close friends back where I'm living now, these were B, and my two flatmates J & K. We sometimes didn't speak for long periods of time and saw each other even less, but as soon as I was with them, it was like nothing had ever changed. We still acted the same, chatted about the same things, did the same things and there would never be any awkwardness or difficult moments. It was like for the time we spent apart, our friendship was paused, then once we're back in each others company we continue because we all understand sometimes life gets in the way.

Anyway, this isn't what the post was originally about. I might elaborate on the "pause effect" some other time. Tonight, I'm writing about music.

One of the things I find B and I always talk about is music, or more specifically the lyrics in music that reminds us of people, times and places. We both often use lyrics to describe how we're feeling when we can't find the words ourselves. After years of friendship, we know what songs prevoke sad memories, what songs make each other happy as they remind us of good times. We have some similar tastes in music, not all but we share a love of many many songs.

I'm one of these people that listens to music every day. I wouldn't say that music was my life, infact I hate when people say that because clearly music is not your life, if you didn't have music you wouldn't shrivel up and die like you would without water or air or love. But still, music is an important part of my life. I always pick songs that reflect how i'm feeling. I never pick songs to try and cheer me up, if I'm happy I'll listen to happy music, if I'm sad I'll listen to sad music. I like songs that lyrics explain things I have personally experienced. I rarely hear the tune of a song instead I always pick out the lyrics. I rarely like a song that is catchy unless it's the chorus that is catchy. I also remember lyrics like I remember quotes from books or films. Sometimes I even find them becoming mantras, like "I'm marvellous, I'm marvellous" from the Glee version of Poker Face. If i'm having an exceptionally tough day I'll sing that along in my head until I start to feel more positive about myself. It surprisingly works. Some of the songs that lyrics have special relevence to certain parts of my life are as follows

Hey There Deliah, by The Plain White Ts. This was "our song" for my relationship with my ex, lets call him Mr BFG. When it was released the lyrics were perfect for our long distance relationship, "A thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got got trains and planes and cars, I'd walk to you if I have no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us but we'll just laugh along because we know none of them have felt this way". It was so perfect it at the time, but now it breaks my heart to hear. I hate remembering how happy we once were.

Iris, by Goo Goo Dolls. Another song that reminds me of a relationship, my first relationship infact, lets call him Mr Wrong Time, Wrong Place. I remember the day he left college and I wouldn't be able to contact him, I remember all the things he confided in me about going to war. I remember my heart breaking for the first time. The first verse and chorus were so apt for the time "And I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you'd feel me somehow, you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now." the beginning of the song could reduce me to tears in seconds. I remember what I was wearing, I remember lying on my bed crying and my mother cutting the lawn in the front garden..

U & Ur Hand by Pink. This song was released in my first year at university. I'd had an unfortunate run in with an egotistic douche, I'd also recently broken up from my summer fling. This song used to always be on in clubs, it was so liberating, especially when drunk.. "I was fine before you walked into my life. 'Cause you know it's over, before it began. Keep your drink just give me the money. It's just you and your hand tonight!" It's especially important because it was on both the night I met Mr Impossible and the night I met Mr Maybe. Both nights when I was accepting being a young, free and single girl. God that never lasts.

Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Lives. At 16 I was an adorable sweet, innocent and naive girl, I was also quite an emotional wreck (that hasn't changed too much). "Your clothes never wear as well the next day. And your hair never falls in quite the same way. But you never seem to run out of things to say" this song sums me up perfectly. I haven't listened to it in so long but over the past few weeks i've found myself singing it in my head. Once again the lyrics feel very apt to my life.

Misunderstood by Better than Ezra. This is more a personal song. I don't have memories of a time and place that this song reflects, instead the lyrics just make me think of me, of who I want to be. I'm that girl waiting tables that hopes one day her moment will come and she'll get her dream job. "She takes a walk at 4AM. Wakes the neighborhood again. And I find myself recalling everything she used to tell me" I'm also the girl that seems to have some kind of after affect on guys, I hope it's because i'm memorable.

There are so many other songs like it, songs I listen to on repeat just to hear the lyrics because they remind me of something in particular. But it's not just the lyrics of songs that bring memories, sometimes the song itself provokes special memories for me. Perhaps I listened to it with someone special, perhaps someone recommended it to me.. Maybe I was in a certain time an place when I first heard it. Whenever I hear the song again I always go "oh I remember when this happened" I can't help it. My memory seems to be music enabled.

For example, i'm not a huge Mcfly fan, but Stargirl reminds me of dancing in the Engine Shed, a close guy friend dipping me in the middle of the dance floor. The same goes for Beating Hearts Baby by Head Automatica, it was my song as an under age teen in a very scummy club. I remember that club, and I remember all those songs. I remember those girls even though they turned out to be the worst kind of people. I remember The Used's Taste of Ink and making out under a table with a boy in a beanie hat in that same club. I remember going to a house party dressed as Tinkerbell and a guy who was friends with Mr Maybe dancing like crazy to New Found Glory's Hold Your Hand. I remember Mr Impossible serenading me Look After You by The Fray, followed by Semi Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. I remember my face aching from smiling. I remember the same ex singing Everything by Michael Buble while he made me breakfast. I remember BFG being ridiculously drunk on his 20th Birthday singing The Space Between by Valencia. I remember agreeing to have Journey's Don't Stop Believing played at our wedding after playing it on Guitar Hero. I remember going to the cash and carry with B and her phones ring tone being Last Request by Paolo Nutini, I remember how we both loved it.

The list could go on like that. Most songs on my Itunes have some kind of memory attached to them, but I like it. As I said in the beginning, music is important to me. It has to be, as I have some kind of soundtrack on all the time in my head that goes along with the movie I call my life. But hey, don't we all?